I remember really getting to a place in my life where I knew that this can’t be it… I never thought that I’d be anything more but just another guy on the block, hustling and getting into trouble. And God has brought me here.
So I think growing up in, in the harbor section of the Bronx, New York, like anywhere else always had its ups and downs. You know, it was definitely a tough upbringing around there. I know that my parents, you know, my loved ones always did their best to try to do everything that they could for me, and, and my siblings, you know, my mom, though, she was always working real hard. She was never really around, putting in some crazy hours, my biological father left when when I was a baby, not even one years old yet. And my stepfather, I gave him a lot of credit for, you know, sticking around and just just really taking care of us. But my stepfather also had a really tough upbringing. And I think that showed in the way he brought us up. And so it was a lot of tough love in my house.
Just the way maybe sometimes they spoke to us, you know, I think it was the norm back then, to just to just show tough love and discipline. Whether it be with hands, the brooms, switches, you know. I remember times crying on my knees, kneeling on rice in the corner, you know, my brother right next to me, you know, just going through it, just growing up, it was like, in my family, a lot of people just struggled with depression, rage, anger, and anxiety. And the normal thing was to be like, he’ll just just get over, you know, we never learned any coping skills, how to talk about things, it was kind of like just brushed it, just sweep it under the rug, and just move on. And not knowing how to communicate my anger, and why sometimes I would just feel just so down. I didn’t know how to express that. You know, and that showed.
You know, a lot of drama inside the household. And growing up, I just, I really took to the to the streets. Being around the block with the older guys just getting into trouble. You know, the older guys, kind of just showing me the ropes. And just, in a sense, like, kind of raising me up in the streets, you know, did two years in prison came home did parole, it just became the real norm to leave my household going to the staircase, see the dice games, people drinking, you go down a few more flights. And, you know, you might see people smoking, you try to cut through the hallway to the other side of the staircase. And you see the feeds there with the needles and and stems. And it was just a norm. You know, going walking outside the building and the blog just taped off.
And I remember really getting to a place in my life, where I knew like that, just that this can’t be it. And I remember so many nights, like just going to sleep. And just thinking like God, if you really exist, like, they do me the favor. And don’t wake me up in the morning when the sun rises. And that’s when I knew I was really having a serious problem, just thoughts of suicide. And I remember one time I just reached out to my aunt. And she told me about Teen Challenge. She said you done tried everything else. She said you should just give this place a try. And I really didn’t know like if this was even possible for me to do. And she introduced me to a pastor. And he just told me just take it one day at a time.
And Teen challenges me and it has been such, it’s so much more than than just what people think it is like a lot of people put that stigma on it like it’s just a drug and alcohol program. But it’s so much more though it really is a discipleship program. I remember six months into my program, we went on to a mission field, I went to one and Puerto Rico and once a Dominican Republic. And I really saw people out there with pain really going through some serious struggles out there with their living conditions. And still managed to have joy though. And I remember just one time we was going up this mountain, and we were giving out food and toiletries and all that type of things for the people that were going through, you know, that just made it out the storm. We got all the way to the top of the mountain. And I’m standing at the top of the mountain now I walk right up to the edge and and I’m looking at we so high up that I can see the mountain tops of other mountains and like all these colorful houses, you know, with with blue tops on them because they didn’t have roofs. But it was just so beautiful.
And I remember the first time that was the first time I’ve ever really spoke really heard God really speak to my heart. And it wasn’t it wasn’t in a way where I’m speaking to you right now. I really felt these words are my heart like, like, never give up before the blessings come. All those times that you wanted to give up back then, or those times when you really didn’t want to live anymore, and you would have given up back then you wouldn’t be here right now in this beauty, doing all these things. And then that’s when the promises really started to stand out. His book is full of so many promises. And he just gave me a glimpse of what the future would be like just walking with him. And from that day on, I really started to take my relationship with God so serious. Seeking Him like the thought of my heart.
And I really started to see him move in my life. And it was just like, confirmation after confirmation and, and people in places and things that had no connection with each other. But I would see how the dots were starting to connect. And I would see really how God, how He speaks to us. And it was just such an amazing thing. And, and then the power of prayer. And I spent so much time really praying for my loved ones, you know. And as I continue to just walk it out, in obedience with faith.
You know, my mom, she really started to give it a chance. God has been working in her life now. She’s picking up her Bible, she’s going to church, she’s listening to worship music. My stepfather was just baptized, just a few weeks ago on my last pass, when we went out to Oklahoma to visit mom on out there. And then my sister who kind of grew up, you know, really tough. You know, with two brothers, she was the only girl in the house. And she was there in times when, you know, police had kicked down my door to raid my to raid my apartment looking for me. You know, her seeing drugs and guns and just seeing how I was around the neighborhood. You know, she grew up really fast. And she was really tough. And to see really God really moving in her life, like I never thought. Even though I prayed for it, like I didn’t know how much I really thought that it would be possible, ya know. And to see her finally coming around, brings so much joy to my heart. And just lets me know, like how powerful prayer really is like how faithful God is.
And as I continue to be obedient to the call, and that he has on my life, as hard as it may get still to this day, you know, that, that his promises are real, that miracles is still happening today. I never thought that I’d be anything more but just another guy, you know, on the block, hustling and getting into trouble. And God has brought me here, he’s raised me up. You know, I just recently been made the house manager at one of the Men’s homes and Long Island Teen Challenge.
And and it’s it’s nothing more rewarding. When some of these guys come in, completely broken. You know, sometimes crying on my shoulder, sharing the pain with me and I can relate to the pain so much it hits my heart. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m gonna tell this guy to lift him up. And then these words just comes to me. And I know it has to be God speaking through me. And I really don’t know what to tell some of these people that come in like that. And God just speaks right through me, man. And to see guys come through the program, graduate, go out there and really serve the Lord out in the mission field, you know, serving at home churches, reaching out to the communities, and then reaching back out to me and calling me up and telling me that you play such a big part, you know, in that whole process for me. Like if it wasn’t for you, I don’t know if I would have been able to make it through that program. And I tell them in always, glory be to God. Because when I went through the program, it was the same way. There’s a brother encouraging, trying to lift me up.
And so regardless of how hard times may get, I’ve learned so much from His Word, through worship, through prayer. And now when when when sometimes negative thoughts come, I don’t join in on those negative thoughts to beat myself down. I know that I have to take those thoughts and make them obedient to Christ just like it talks about it in 2nd Corinthians – to make those thoughts, obedience to Christ. And if it’s not about love. If there’s not nothing encouraging anything pure anything noble and is not of God, then I rebuke those things right away. And even do the hard times to still endure hardship as a good soldier of Christ. And to know that in faith, that he started a work in me that he will complete. And I know with all my heart that every day it just continues to get greater later.
So this program has taught me so much. I’ve learned so much here at Teen Challenge about relationship with God, really seeking the Lord, with all of my heart through prayer, worship. And the Word of God really has helped me throughout all of my ups and downs.
And one of the scriptures that I stand on is Psalms 3:3, it says, “But you oh Lord, are a shield around me. You are my joy, the one who holds my head high.”
