I lost everything, I found myself in a in a deep, dark hole.
My name is Ivan, I’m 27 years old. I’m currently here in Long Island Teen Challenge. The things that led me here to Teen Challenge was a 10-year alcohol addiction, cocaine addiction pill addictions. This addiction began 10 years ago when my father used to come home getting drunk. And I use to wake up to the screams of my mother getting beaten. And by me seeing all of that it caused me to look for ways to try to numb the pain so I wouldn’t have to face it. So, I started drinking myself. That led to a brutal addiction, I lost everything. I lost my job, I lost the marriage I had, I lost everything I came in contact with, every single relationship. I lost everything, I found myself in a in a deep, dark hole, where I wanted to die, I would pray and I would ask God to take my life, because I was too much of a coward to take my own life. I was born and raised in church so I knew of God and I was just, I was running away from him. I wanted to have nothing to do with him because I was fooled into thinking that he’s the one that bought all these horrible things upon my life.
So as my addiction progressed, I started using cocaine as well, I started just losing every job I had, I ended up in the streets several times, I lost everything. Eventually, my father passed away. And that just, the addiction just spiraled out of control then, until recently, in October, my mother passed away due to liver failure from herself drinking so much. And once again, I just went on a binge. And I felt like I was gonna die. And I cried out to the Lord, Lord, if this is my end, if this is how you want my life to end just take it now. But if you have a different purpose for me, just I’m going to, I’m relying on you that you’re going to pull me out of this pit. And I cried out to him, and surely He answered me, He answered me in the way of a pamphlet actually from the Brooklyn Teen Challenge. And I must have been carrying it around for a month.
And one day, I was like, God, I need you to show me where you want me to go. And I opened up that pamphlet, and it changed my life. I felt that’s exactly where God wanted me to be. So I looked it up and I decided to come here to Long Island Teen Challenge but God gave me one last test before I got here. He told me I had to get here on my own by means of traveling from Connecticut, where I was staying at the time. And I had to come all the way out here by myself, I felt as a last test from God that this is what I really wanted to do. So, I made it here by the grace of God, and I’ve been here five months now, my life has been completely changed my way of thinking, just being renewed daily and being disciplined. I’m getting the structure I needed so desperately in my life. So, when I go back out into wherever it is that God is calling me to do, I won’t ever have to relapse again. God put it in my heart to go to Bible College, and just continue to see communities will know.
The Bible verse that I stand on now was first Peter 5:10 “The God of all grace who called you into His eternal glory to Christ after you have suffered a while, will Himself restore you renew you, strengthen you and establish you.”
